The Inspiration

Maybe she never knows
Maybe she would never care
Maybe she doesn't understand
She would never know
That she's the inspiring one for me
Yes she is ..

The story began at the middle of 2010, back when I was a high schooler, a newbie and a nerd in the school. It was Ramadhan month, and school held an agenda about Ramadhan, all of students had to attend the agenda for three days. And, on the last day of the agenda, I saw her ..

Yes, I saw that person, who soon would be my inspiring one, who soon would be my motivation .


Because of her, I started writting again after a long time of hiatus. The last time I wrote was at 2009 .
Because of her, I restarted reading books and listening music again, and also, my taste of music improved a lot. She, unknowingly by herself, inspired me to do such things after I read her blog, her great blog. I must admit that she had a great taste of writting art and fashion. I started liking her as friend, and motivation .

When I was done writting so many things about her, I started falling for her. Unfortunately, I fell too deep. It's too far to climb, too far to reach the surface. I fell deep down inside my own feeling, my own imagination. Yet, she was still my inspiring person up until now .

To steal her attention, I started doing silly, stupid and foolish things. I gave her a purse, bad purse actually at her birthday, but I had no courage to give her by myself, so I asked my sister, and it was a sloppy .
I started stalking her on Facebook, Twitter and occasionaly reading her blog, expecting my name in one of her entries. I know it's silly but ... I couldn't help it .

I know I'm only a beggar of love in terms of stealing her attention expecting she would stare at me and say hi to me, I should've known that it'd never happen in this life. I know we've been talking a lot ... in my dreams .
Yeah, I dreamed a lot about her, about being her bestfriend, being her lover is the worst 'cause I know it's very very very impossible. I'm such a stupid person in front of her. I couldn't talk, lack of confident and the worse is .. my face always turns red. Damn .

I always run for her, try to catch her, try to reach her .. try to surpass her .
I should've known I couldn't do those things earlier .

What if I've never met her ?
What if I've never been in that school ?
What if I was still in Gresik, continuing my education there instead of coming back to Surabaya .
What if .. and plenty of what if's .

How can I tell you that you're the inspiring one ?
You were inspiring me back then, you were motivating me unknowingly by yourself .
Until now, until I'm writting this entry, you're still the inspiring one .

You are the inspiration .